Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
