Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
