Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
