today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
