I'm going to jail i love you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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