His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
