I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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