I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
