i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
