Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
