Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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