Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
