I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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