I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
