I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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