Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
