please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
