Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
