yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he thought i was a dude.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I did not marry a roomba.
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