if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
