yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
