Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
