I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
