Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
