Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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