I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
