Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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