When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
