the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
