Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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