Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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