there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
