Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
