yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
