probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
