She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
