My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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