I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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