My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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