All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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