Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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