Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
