you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
