just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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