Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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