I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
