does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
