so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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