everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
