i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found the puke drawer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
