Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
